Alone

Alone

Completely

Worthlessly

Utterly

Alone

Silence

Blank

Empty

Lost

Forgotten

Left out

Different

Awkward 

The out of place 

Bump on a log

That no one wants to talk to

Away

Far away

Running

And running

From people

Who say 

They love me

Tainted by memories

We had

No 

Control over

Safe

Away from pain

That had to be

Away from

Death

Heartbreak

Love

And a family

I never really fit into

Happy

A feeling

I forgot existed

Love

A feeling

I'm sure

Is a fantasy 

New

Change

Refresh

Good different 

But

Alone

raindrops on sunflowers

deep breath
long breath
realizing
i changed
in with the new friends
and out with the old
family parties?
no longer a favorite
make my parents proud?
ha!
cry is more like it
never want to come home
because,
memories,
are sharper than knives
and sting
more than a burn in lemon juice

dad
starts to talk
mom
suddenly shuts up
my life here is a mess
it causes me more stress
than all the textbooks
and roommates
and change
 and drama
that come with 
college
as rain falls
on this mistake
of my life

i look for the sunflowers
that thrive
instead of drown
because raindrops
on sunflowers
is a beautiful sight
as they roll off
the bright petals
and fall
to help it grow

i look at my new life
full of friends
fun
and maybe
a little love
full of people
who make me 
happy
and help me
dull my sharp memories
and teach me to smile

but still 
i wonder
is there a way
to mix the forget me nots
of my past
with the sunflowers
of my here and now
become one person
not someone then
and a different person here?
to make two fields
one?